i become a hero.

Yeah my ego is that high

Monday, May 31, 2010 @ 11:11 pm

I'll tell you soon enough. When I'm sure of myself about it. I'm just afraid of the silence that will follow after. I really do hate you silence. Cause you're way better with noise. I know you have the rights to know too.

Downhill suay road

@ 10:55 pm

Woke up late today, nearly late for class. Found out I didn't bring my mp3 with me. So lonely in the mrt. Nearly got scolded cause I didn't print 2 comms hmwk. Next thing i found out I lost my Donation Card and nnow I gotta make a police report. Mum went to watch without me. I didn't bring my house key and ended up staying outside the house for someone to reach home. Than I found out I lost my SC file. Which is freaking uber important to me. Everyone being sweet and advising and stuff like that. But really right now I just wanna be sappy and mopey. There's nothing wrong feeling this way sometimes.

fyi. I left out 1 problem that's really killing me inside out.

Dancing with Myself

Thursday, May 27, 2010 @ 3:44 pm

Dreams are meant to be achieve. And the thing about dreams is that you can't reach it alone. It kinda sucks.

Nothing will happen if I don't feel anything. One way won't work. Only two will. I think it is the same as everyone else too. I can't give anyone a chance cause I've fallen for someone. I've yet to tell that someone cause I'm afraid of the silence that will follow. So I guess that chance is a little far away.

Tomorrow : Showchoir rehersals
Saturday : Drama, Showchoir Performance( I got in!!!)

No Air

Sunday, May 23, 2010 @ 5:06 pm

We are 2 different people, but it's fine I kinda like it. So please don't leave, casue when you do, you took the air with you.

I wanna get a solo in SC. I wanna perform for HDB!!! I wanna reach my dream. So please don't stop me.

Forbidden Boy

Saturday, May 22, 2010 @ 2:38 pm

Found out you were my friends ex-boyfriend. Now, you're officially out of bounds. She says she's fine with I feel so bad. I don't wanna hurt her. So crappy. I wish I could bubble wrap my heart so when I fall it won't break apart.

Hung out with the SC's seniors, weird at the beginning, but they are awesomely cool people. I've got 200 sinclair points!!! Haha. Ok that was random. I thought he didn't see me put in effort, but he did!!! Officially on the awesome student list woo hoo! (i just came up with the list) Oh gosh I have the whole freaking saturday not doing anything. I wanna go do something so badly. I just gotten my ATM card. It feels so awesome, I feel so grown up now. Haha. However I've yet to use it. I need to use it soon, very soon. After the money is transfered inside. The first thing I wanna buy now is a guitar. I wanna use it for the upcoming auditions. West Side Story here I come!

Fyi, the freaking new bed hurt my back to the max, it's so small that it kept on leaving my legs hanging.

More than friend less than lovers

Friday, May 21, 2010 @ 2:29 pm

Show Choir later. I got ready quick today, just left is my mum to tie my hair for me. Haha. Ohhh... Apple pie. I always forget what i wanted to type beforehand. I hope I won't get pick to sing solo again today. Freaking uber scary. Do you think we should get ice-cream today? or some other day instead? sigh* shakes head* I'm so sleepy.

So I found out you guys went out together, it cracked once again. Have him, I don't really care anymore. I can't say I ain't jealous, but I'm just jealous cause he can't see me the way he sees you.

Should I say?

Thursday, May 20, 2010 @ 11:41 pm

I'm suppose to be brave. Strong to face anything that is thrown to me. But why can't I now? I need the strength and I need the courage.

Everytime he gives me butterflies but what can I do? Tell him and make him think I'm weird? No way! That's not the way. But If I won't ever know what could be. Dear God, please tell me what I should do... I don't want to face what if's anymore. I wanna live in the moment and not regret any of it at all. You make me laugh and all but somehow you do keep me hanging. I need to know.

Back to square ONE

Wednesday, May 19, 2010 @ 1:05 pm

Today I officially don't wish to talk to anyone. There is a whole story behind it. Right back where I started. :(

Thanks for making me your "Princess"

Tuesday, May 18, 2010 @ 10:14 pm

After I met you I feel so alive. Oh gosh this line is so cliche. This is the second time, I've felt like this for someone. Like what he said better not put high hopes on something as they usually come crashing down into a million pieces. But, you said I never failed to make you smile. And that I'm your princess. I hope no one misses you like how I miss you. Cause in your company I feel happy, oh so happy and complete. So thank you.

Just a little story

@ 12:19 am

I think I've officially hurt someone. Dear God what am I suppose to do. I mean I'm not a big fan of this person. The only thing I did was not replying to the messages. I mean I should never be leading anyone on right? The whole point was just to make him see that I'm not interested at all. Is it weird to fall for someone younger? It's happening more nowadays... Somehow I really do feel that it's wrong to fall for someone younger... But how can something so wrong feels so right... Oh God, please help me with the matters of the heart. As I am always weak here at this part. One more day before SC... Honestly waiting for SC's training is killing me. I need more SC training. My mum says I draw pretty nice, not bad... Official stinky day tomorrow!!! Hahaha. Can't wait. I am do gona cream the boys or the oher class people. Muahahaha.

Monday, May 17, 2010 @ 12:35 am

Dinners at Popyes and Swenswens has left me bloated till my extreme. Great time with, Sheril, Kiddo, Hyppo, Shaf, Along and Abg Lazim. Had a great time with them. It's been such a long time since I last met all of them. I hope Kiddo can wake up for school tomorrow. At last I've gotten my pay!!! 60 bucks... It's still something. Not texting "Nutella" the whole day feels so weird even though I just started texting him like the whole day yesterday. Hahaha. I hate leading people on, but really I'm not leading anyone on. He just can't get the hints, what am I suppose to do. I need boots and a new watch!

"Nutella" who?

Sunday, May 16, 2010 @ 1:05 am

Drama early in the morning. First text today is from "Nutella". Who is "Nutella"? Dunno. Sshhh... A secret only my new BFF knows about. Started of with Drama, apparently today session was pretty interesting... Hung out with Drama peeps, Asraf, Meezah, Nana, Ariffin, Rifdy, Amin, Putra, Mama, Ethel, Shawn, Abby, Shukri, Ikhmal, Ifwat and Zoey. Thanks to Ifwat the whole Drama People sang me Happy Birthday. Sigh... When can I ever run away from it. Need to boost my speed, next time. Ariffin kept on saying sorry to me and I was like... Huh?? Apparently today everyone seemed to e with someone, you know what I mean... Being a couple and stuff. It was like a theme for today, be a couple. Haha. Sadly I am really thinking of dropping Drama, not because of whatever we do in it but because of that one person who freaks me out dearly... Ok on the heavy side, I found out I only have "Nutella" for another 2 years and his gone... Why does the awesome always never stay behind???

Paperweight - Joshua Radin & Schuyler Fisk

Something still missing

Saturday, May 15, 2010 @ 12:36 am

So I celebrated my 18 birthday yesterday... Lets' see I woke feeling crappy no doubt. Than came to school felt a little better with all the hugs. They were all freaking cute, and yes I still do have a squeky voice. I didn't really got lots of present but they were good present. Umbrella, a pink horse and a freaking awesome medal. Thanks a whole lot guys!!! Got home, went online and chatted with Nicholas! I think he is frigging awesome! He is 17 I am 15. Haha our inside joke. Apparently he gives me butterflies... Not another person giving me butterflies... Ahhh... He's sweet for sure. He and April made the showchoir kids sing Happy Birthday to me and I stood there looking like a Tomato. Red and plump. It was frigging sweet, but kinda embarassing at the same, never gonna forget that moment ever. It kinda went down after that... But I collected 80 bucks altogether today! Woo Hoo!!! Gonna buy a ukelele!!! La di da! Lastly thanks everyone who wished me Happy Birthday it really means a lot to me. I felt top of the world that a lot of people knew my birthday!!! Haha I really do want cake. So many cakeless years. I really do want a normal birthday with a cake...

Let it get better!

Friday, May 14, 2010 @ 1:39 pm

It's my BIRTHDAY!!!! How awesome could it be!!! But why? somehow why do I feel so crappy? Why do I feel so crappy on this day? Thank you everyone who wished me and gave me presents and company. Can this birthday be a normal birthday with a cake. I love opening up presents but that doesn't mean I want them. It's just fun to open present the anxiety and curiosity before opening them is just a great feeling. Hope it gets better later. Gonna get ready for SC now. It's my birthday have you wish me yet? haha. Nonsense... :D:D

I don't want it

Thursday, May 13, 2010 @ 12:11 am

OMG!!! I am so not interested at all. Please just get the signs. You're sweet but so not me. Oh no... I'm in a dilema. Anyone help me. Get off my tail... :(

I want bangs again

Tuesday, May 11, 2010 @ 9:38 pm

Art and communications for school tomorrow. That ends around 12 and SC next. My seniors are awesome. Love them lots. Ok let's see, I felt much better when I came to school did sports and wellness that was somehow pretty brutal today. Got sicker and sicker, that everyone was asking "are you ok?" Hahaha. Don't worry I know my limits. Gotta finish up my lifeskills homework. Gotta continue with perspective tomorrow. What to wear to SC??? Wait, can I even go SC tomorrow? Please say yes... Should I eat Fishball Soup or Prawn Sambal. Fyi, I tried not to talk the whole day, but I didn't manage, everyone kept me laughing.

Please, don't make everything awkward. I don't even know what to do now :(

Face the truth

Monday, May 10, 2010 @ 9:41 pm

Not!!!

I'm cold and hot at the same time. I was suppose to feel awesome today morning. Woke up with a sore throat. It got better, but the smart me had mike and ike's zours and Coke for break that made everything even worse. At least I had a little good news in school. I got to know that my class might be involve in the musical West Side Story designing the set. That would be very interesting. I hate feeling weak unable to do anything. I feel so handicapped. Please, make me feel better tomorrow. Apparently, I have such hard time to enter facebook. Why is that? Both Mozilla and Explorer is taking such a long time. Is it because it is over capacity? Oh gosh I sound so weird now. My mum even made fun of my squeky voice, thanks mum you made me feel sooo much better. Ladida NO ONE SEPERATE ME AND MY SWEETS EVER! I found pixie stix in my room last night and found out it's going to expire in June. Oh gosh I'm dripping non-stop. This sucks a whole lot. Fyi, I've been listening to Christmas Song. I'm gonna greet first tomorrow! :)

If Eyes could speak

Sunday, May 09, 2010 @ 6:59 pm

I still have yet the courage to tell someone off face to face. I really do feel like Emma now... But she did hurt someone, will I ever gain that kind of courage? This will be done soon enough. No doubt. If only eyes could speak I wouldn't have to say a thing. Drawing class tomorrow 3 hours, 4 hours I ain't sure. Can't wait, but kinda lazy at the same time. I like to draw but I don't like to draw at the same time. "There's always a formula to drawing" - someone.

Please, if you weren't born to draw you just can't. Gonna get an early start with assignments tomorrow. Not gonna procrastinate anymore. 7 songs to memorize... Oh man. This is so overwhelming... Wait! I gotta reframe all of this now. Nah, not now. I just wanna drown in negativity right now. Just right now at this moment. Is there such thing as pre-ageing depression. Haha. I'm suffering from that today. Me and my made up sicknesses.

She's The Brave One

@ 6:40 pm

Thank you for your care and concern for 17 years 5 months and 9 days and still continuing. I love the things you do and the things you don't do. Teaching me life lessons everyday, making sure I'm always doing my best and being someone worthwhile. You're my heroin in my life and that will never change. When bugs fly, you always caught them so that we won't be terrified. You hold my hands when we cross the road just to make sure I'm safe. So thank you and a very HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY to you, MY MUM the BRAVE ONE!

A step closer

Saturday, May 08, 2010 @ 5:53 pm

Woke up so early at 7.45 for drama just to end up being late for it. Lutfi? If that is his name, love his purple green checkered shirt. OMG! i miss SC! Can't wait for dance lesson again. I found out the drama kid in my school, Shawn. I have no idea if he is Malay or Chinese... Apparently Drama was not as great as the first day... Everyone look like they have untold stories. There was a weird vibe around but at least I made lots of new friends! Met my brother's GF today, she seems nice... Worked with my cousins GF yesterday, kinda weird, but good kind of weird.

You're close to me but I'm not close to you. Get it?

Where can I get a job??? I don't wanna write a letter nor a resume.

Few seconds to let it crash down

@ 5:49 pm

Nearly a whole week left till my Amazing AWESOME 18 birthday! What happen when you have lots of friends? Everyone wants to celebrate your birthday with you, but the one you want to celebrate it with, don't even remember it's your birthday. :( I hope this person remember my birthday this year and personally wish me, Only than it will be the best birthday ever. I want to have a planned out picnic with only that "someone".

Who will love you

Friday, May 07, 2010 @ 10:06 pm

Showchoir getting better and better every single session. The real reason of me joining showchoir was, actually nothing really. I just wanted to see if I'll get through the audition. With every session, I'm loving it more and more. I found out I need a toilet pipe. Haha. This is gonna be very embarrassing for sure, no doubt. But if it helps...

Tomorrow, start of drama again! Can't wait for sure! More eye candy and him of course. Can't wait to see him again.

I'm brought back to the past again.

i'M WISHING ON AIRPLANES

Thursday, May 06, 2010 @ 7:55 pm

So many fishes so little time. Another crush another day. Another wish another heartache. Thanks for coming up and offering. I really needed it. Thank you. Make me loose and get my swagger back, and than you'll be the dream I don't mind having it come true.

MY SWAGGER

Wednesday, May 05, 2010 @ 9:19 pm

YAWN....

I really need to get my swagger back for the routine. Black or white, it feels so good to dance again. Thanks to nicholas who helped me with the flip flop part. I still can't get it, I'm so gonna ask him to help again, for me and Najap sake. I so wanna be in the performance. I miss dancing like I did 5 years ago. I am so glad I joined Show Choir. It might be tiring but the feeling of acing the routine, unexplainable. And fyi, dancing in a skirt is not a good thing and it'll never ever be a good thing. Don't try cause it's irritaiting. I'm so gonna by sweat pants and plain Tees. Gonna be all Hipity HOP. Friday come faster! I can't wait for the next training!

5 hours of drawing tomorrow. Bring IT!!! Now it's time to sleep...

Don't assume

@ 3:13 pm

Why do guys always think that girls always gives out judgement? I mean really what did girls ever do to you? in 3 Hours you could do a whole lot of thing...

At last I'm home gonna get ready for training later... I can't wait for wits. 5 Hours of drawing tomorrow, not really looking forward to that.

I'm sorry, I just didn't know what to say or do..

What do you see in the mirror?

Tuesday, May 04, 2010 @ 9:08 pm

Training officially commercing tomorrow!!! I'm so looking forward to training. No more Fridays, for me, oh what the heck... Yes I'm in Show Choir. Oh! Not forgetting Drama too! Two CCAs, class rep and more awesome stuffs coming my way. It's so sad how there was no drawing today. Tomorrow class with Ethan. Yay, and no i don't smell him, he just smell like soap. What am I suppose to do when he stands to close to me. I can now draw, so-so. Just need help with the shading part. Me and Sofia can officially write good scripts for role-play! I can't run 42 KM cause they only start after 5 pm everyday. Looks like there won't be any T-Shirt for me. :(

Things I need:
Sweat Pants
Shorts
Plain Tees
Keyboard
Ukulele
Guitar

"Us" won't work now

Monday, May 03, 2010 @ 5:20 pm

We are two different strangers now, drifting our own way of life. You have yous and I have mine. I know you'll do good, I have faith in you. Even though we don't talk like we use to anymore, I do hear and really do hate your silence. "Us" won't work now but it might one day. What can I say, " The remembering is done, now the forgetting can take place."

Me and My New Life

Sunday, May 02, 2010 @ 10:44 pm

Ta Da! Tu Du!

New school. New Drama. New Boys. New Love. New Challenges. New Barriers.

I'm in Show Choir and Drama. Same as Shaiful... If that is how you spell his name. Aini knows him. Shaf understands... And me Confuse, as always.

this is me.

Rawr I'm Shakilah. People call me Shak. I turn a year older on 14 May. I am covered in FRECKLES. I love SWEETS they are like my small little version of happiness. I love to act but I'm just a little good at it.

PLay My MuSic

dance hall drug

clumsy

PLMGSS .
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